Well, I’ve made it Facebook official I’m single in 2020, and it may sound a bit cheesy but I’m good with that. All the years I’ve spent giving myself to men it had finally clicked recently, why was I being so mouldable, so interested, when some random guy couldn’t even ask how I was. Yes, reader, I sound like a nag or too intense, but I have standards, I was brought upon them. But then again not all are raised like me and I’m not raised like others.
I look at my Mother, beautiful, talented, funny (I’m writing this she isn’t) but men simply have walked over her (not literally) and I don’t believe that they knew how much of an icon my mother is. But seeing that as a teenage boy made me adamant to not fall to similar situations. Well, it did. I fell. And it was hard too.
Like I’ve said before men are like shoes, they’re replaceable. I don’t mean it in a harsh or cynical manner, but we are, both men and women. Dating in the twenty-first century is clearly (pardon my French) fucked. As people go to dating sites and we swipe left and right we become disposable to people that we don’t even know. It came to me when I was doing that very thing, why am I doing this? (Let’s make up a name) Ron may not be my type of guy or ideal in looks but it doesn’t mean he’s got a personality to match, he could be a sweet guy that deserves a lot but I’m judging him on how takes a selfie or how he’s not to my liking.
Dating is a funny thing; by studying so far into the countryside and by the sea. The gay pool was smaller than a paddling pool, so tinder was the formula for me some way to find dates and possible new sparks. Though those boys came and went, I began to really see the faults in the guys I was going for and I had to reflect on it.
Coming through to twenty-twenty single made me realise one thing is that, I’m not going to let a guy dictate to how I feel, if I feel something, I should tell them. I believe in this society we get so into our heads about doing the right and the wrong thing when the rules are only being made up by the little voices in our heads. Taking a quote from my friend Susie “I learned to write my own advice instead of seeking it.” And I’ve started to do it for my own sanity.
And if you’re in a similar predicament as to me above, just know that your worth is worth more than anything and you shouldn’t mould yourself so early. If I think of two things, I’ve learned over the years is that I’m working on myself and give myself more love.
In my current love life reader, tinder is still there – but muted because I’m working on it.